So what are the results of both these kind of scenarios- Lack of self-appreciation, extra self-doubt, and a hint of self-pity. It's not a bad thing that we have pity for ourselves because this shows that we are human, and that us women have feelings and they aren't being validated or cared for properly. So, if the guys aren't going to care...then the pity reminds us that we still do. The problem with self-pity though...is that it's blended with lack of self-appreciation and extra self-doubt... This combination is successful in bringing a person to depression, resentment and most of all- No more love for self.
So, what do we do in cases like this? Well there are a few ways to handle this but I have to tell you ladies, they aren't sensitive ways and unless you are truly ready to make a change then your success at these "ways" will find your result right back in the hole you tried to climb out of.
1. Wake up tomorrow and actually go to the bathroom and look at your dead sexy self and say "I am important and only I can make me feel this way."
2. Once you have cried it out and given yourself reason to feel sad but empowered at the same time (yes, this is possible), get ready... get a shower in, (DON'T sit on the couch first and watch TV), and put a little make up on. If you don't feel you need make-up than at least do your hair... not even you love yourself looking like you don't care... Put on a little music while you do this, dance to it... shake "yo" booty in front of that mirror and laugh at how dorky you look...it's ok.
3. If you have gotten through all this without crying- GOOD FOR YOU! If not, then you need to revamp your mind. Before you walk out of the bathroom after fixing yourself up to YOUR liking- say "Dang girl, You know you got it!" Giggle at how goofy it sounds and say one more thing, "You are going to be ok..."
4. I guarentee you have a lump in your throat by now so guess what, go step outside and take a breath of that very brisk air and give that lump a reason to be there. A little fresh air will do you good anyway.
5. If you have somewhere to go, then do your duties and get busy.
6. If you don't have somewhere to go...get busy anyway. I don't care if your dishes are done or if your kid is taking a nap... GET BUSY. An idle mind asks for reasons to doubt yourself.
7. Hopefully, all day you have been busy and only allowed a few breaks in between to relax. Don't let yourself get back in that funk of curling up on the couch...it only leads to bad things.
8. Here comes the harsh part. The reason a man may have stopped trying, is because YOU stopped caring about YOU. This isn't a lesson on how to make a man love you...its about how to make YOU love YOU. Men are about as dense as the ocean... but they are very aware of waves. If you stopped stirring, they stop too.
9. If you think that you have put 100% in and that you 100% love yourself and he still isn't trying... then guess what. It's time to put your focus on him down and start living for you. We all know he's disappointing you. We all know you have built up a resentment and he probably isn't living up to your expectations. So, why do you keep holding expectations for him when you already know he's going to fail? If you can't be 100% for you, then how can you expect him to be 100% for you also? "Well, I'd just be happy if he was 50% for me!" You say... Sure, but have you been 50% for you also?
10. You can only expect what you put in. If what you put in is all you can give and he still is as dim as the moment right before sunrise.. then girl, you are putting way too much toward him and not putting enough toward yourself. YOU HAVE GOT TO CARE about YOU.
11. I have noticed some selfish moments about women and we get in this place where I see them wanting a man to live around their schedule. First off, what did I say about expectation? If a man wanted you to be the same way...what would be the first reaction "pshh...he's got another thing comin'"...... So, make a schedule for yourself and don't expect him to live by it but include him in it. If he doesn't want to be a part of that schedule... That's HIS choice. We are all entitled to our own choices and its not always going to be yours.
If you have taken the necessary steps.. the results may be lifted self-appreciation and even a sense of "I can live without him." Some women will see this as a selfish route and it's not if you don't make it. It's not a matter of being selfish and kicking him out but its a matter of being satisfied with yourself and the plans you want to live by. If he doesn't catch up to the program and start living life in a way where he courts you.. Then that's his loss. You CAN live without him, the goal is reminding him that you don't want to. If you become confident in yourself and the life you want to lead, he will help you make the decision by showing you one of two things- that he wants to be the man you "need" and wants to actively participate in your relationship, or.... He will continue to live life dense and untrying because he stopped being confident in himself. If this is the case.. then that's something HE needs to work on.
If you are married- I am not for or against divorce. I have had my own and it took a while to find a guy who wanted to be the best he can be...for himself and for me. But, if you are on a course toward divorce, be sure to think about separating first and see how that goes. Don't separate and think he's going to come around. Separate and focus on you. Get determined to love yourself again---TO KNOW YOURSELF again. Love is more than just the romance, its learning to appreciate and understand. If only one of you is doing this, then this needs to be addressed.
Like I said, I am not an expert and you don't have to listen to my advice. But one thing I know for certain.. is until you start appreciating yourself...how can you expect anyone else to?
God bless!
Kristi
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